RELATIONSHIPS

 

Romantic relationships! So beautiful but so hard at the same time. So nice but so hurtful sometimes. Today, let's analyze the feminism of romantic relations, what to expect, what to tolerate, and what not to allow.

Someone who loves you Doesn't Pressure You: all parties of the relationship have their pace and their own way to go through different situations. One party isn't better than the other and can't tell the other to speed things up or to do things their way. All parties are of equal value and thus deserve the same level of respect.

Someone who loves you Doesn't Tell You How To Dress: This is an issue seen more on men towards women than vice-versa. Men asking their girlfriends (or any other level-relationship name) to change clothes or to dress a certain way is men oppressing and controlling this other person. This is a major issue and it can be taught since childhood. We shouldn't be teaching girls to measure the length of their skirts; instead, we should be teaching boys to have the same respect for girls regardless of the length of their skirts.

Someone who loves you Doesn't Make Fun of Your Achievements, Doesn't Call You Crazy, Doesn't Humiliate You: when your achievements are brought down or you feel you are being humiliated or called things such as "crazy", a machismo behavior is next to you. Equality in a relationship is the key to mutual respect. Don't let anyone who thinks is better than you be close to you. In a feminist relationship, those behaviors don't exist since any of the parties think they are superior and thus have no reasons to humiliate the other. 

Someone who loves you Doesn't Control You: Being in a relationship doesn't mean possessing someone. There is no such thing as "the other half". Every one of us is "a whole" and doesn't need anyone else to be complete. I found a sentence by @unachicadisociada that pictures these elements: "You are wrong. I do not want to be yours. I want to be mine. Always mine. And sometimes, share myself with you. Being free."

Someone who loves you Doesn't "Isolate" You, Doesn't Minimize You, Doesn't Hide You: there are several implied things in this statement. First, the feeling of being left apart. Someone that loves you will count on you. If he or she doesn't, maybe your relationship is not as healthy as you thought it was. Second, being in a relationship doesn't mean being isolated from everything else you used to do before you got yourself into that relationship. If it is your decision, you could reconsider what is good and what really nurtures you. If it is not your choice and instead is being somehow forced by your partner then it has become a problem. This kind of behavior can come sometimes linked to people who hide you from their environment or makes you feel small when you are next to them. Be feminist, don't let that happen to you.

Someone who loves you Respects Your Friends: there are a lot of comments that we tolerate on a daily basis but we shouldn't. Making jokes about your partner's friends is not funny, and again shows the belief of being and/or feeling superior to the other party of the relationship.

Someone who loves you Doesn't Scream at You, Doesn't Hit You, Doesn't Abuse You: this includes verbal and physical abuse. You can be abused verbally and it is of the same harm as physical abuse. gender-based violence is a topic linked to relationships and abuse. The following graphic gives a clearer picture of what that looks like and of what aspects contribute to it. Some you might not be familiar with. If you want more information don't hesitate to ask!

We so far know the theory of the picture of the whole relationship. But how to identify those different items? Watch this video for a quick guide.

If after this you are still having trouble identifying any of these aspects you can also check these articles:

• "10 Signs You're Dating a Machista" by Minerva Guerrero on Cosmopolitan.
• "Why It's Important to be a Feminist in Our Relationships" by Jess Molyneux in Varsity. 

Was this helpful? Did you miss anything? Please let me know what you think in the comments below! See you next week with content related to Language Expressions, DON'T MISS OUT!